"I went out, she says. He shows her out - hacked up in a trunk. Yet there's more to this tale of wife and death."
-- DVD description for the episode
A man murders his beautiful younger wife when she threatens to leave him. He then packs her body in a big suitcase and boards a train, where he is stalked by an inquisitive detective.
Andy and Emma are having dinner, with Emma not paying any attention to Andy talking about his work. When she finally gets his attention, she tells him she is leaving him as she wants a passionate romance. He thinks she wants a raise in her allowance, and she storms away after saying she's in love with someone else and the two of them are running away together to Chicago. As she's packing her bags to leave him, she calls him a schmuck to which he responds by choking her. She wants passion, so he said he'd give it to her. She tries to fight back with a pair of scissors, momentarily stunning Andy but he grabs the scissors from her and stabs her, causing her to scream.
Later that night at the train station, Fine comes across Andy as he is dragging a large trunk to book to Chicago. He confronts him, and the luggage carrier tells Andy that he forgot to fill out a name and address for the trunk he was sending to Chicago. With Fine standing there, Andy tells him his wife called from Chicago and they made up. He's going to meet her there. This charade forces him to actually buy a ticket on the train he wasn't intending to board in the first place. Officer Fine sees him off as Andy finds a seat. As Andy is looking at a map, Fine sits down across from him setting Andy on edge. The two then discuss their wives, and what they fought about. Fine tells him his wife thinks she pays too much attention to him, unlike Emma who thought Andy didn't pay enough. Fine then asks him a hypothetical question - if he actually did murder his wife, how would he do it. Andy says he isn't a murderer, but Fine says he'd tell him how he'd kill her. He thinks Andy would strangle his wife with his bare hands, to which Andy walks away visibly upset.
In the dinner car, Fine joins Andy for dinner, ultimately taking Andy's instead. Fine points out a man behind Andy, telling him he's running $5 million worth of drugs, and that's the case he's working on. This puts Andy at ease momentarily, and he starts chatting with Fine, then feels comfortable enough to eat his dinner again. Fine tells him the FBI is planning to board the train later, going over it inch by inch to find out where the drugs are. This puts Andy back on edge, considering he stuffed Emma in a trunk and put her on the train. Andy excuses himself to check the luggage, switching name tags with another one. He then throws his original trunk off the train. Back in the dinner car, Fine tells him he made a mistake with the high school ring he found in Andy's bedroom. He then shows Andy his Marysville High ring that he still wears with pride. Andy thinks Fine is the one having an affair with his wife.Andy, now feeling cocky after throwing his trunk off the train, offers to show Fine and the FBI agents what is in the trunk he switched his name tag to. Opening it up, Andy finds a dead body hacked to pieces, but it's not his wife. He says it isn't his trunk, that he threw his off the train but Fine tells the other officers that Andy never left his sight. When Andy says Fine was having an affair with his wife, Fine tells him the ring he found was a woman's ring and that their wives were having an affair with each other. As Andy is taken away, Fine tells an officer that Andy's wife Emma has boarded a plane to Cancun, thinking that Andy lied about killing his wife. Back at home, Fine is reading a paper with the front page headline about the twisted story. He reaches into a trunk and pulls out a severed arm. It is Emma, who he comments doesn't look too bad for a woman hacked up and tossed off a train. He then stuffs the arm down the garbage disposal.
Opening Segment"I tell you ladies and germs, that ghoul friend of mine makes me so crazy! She told me she thought she'd look good in something long and flowing - so I threw her in the Mississippi. Hmm. And how about that Ernest Hemingway, always shooting his mouth off!"
"Hmm. Anybody? I know you're out there, folks. I can hear you bleeding. Is this on? Hmm. I know what this crowd wants. A little slay on words. Maybe a couple of nasty fright gags?"
Audience member: "Get a life!"
Crypt Keeper: "Something along the lines of tonight's nasty nugget. It's a little tale about marriage, or if you prefer, about wife and death. I call it Two for the Show."
Closing Segment"That Bonnie's my kind of guy. He comes up with a plan, but it's Andy who has to hatchet. I guess it's true what they say - better dead than wed. Hmm. Time for my finish."
[Crypt Keeper throws a grenade into the crowd]
"Now, that's what I call bombing. Take my life...please!"
- The title comes from the expression used to start an event, "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go".
- Vincent Spano who played Officer Fine, would direct the season 6 episode In the Groove.