"Let their nagging wives do the fighting: weary steel-cage brawlers dupe their bitter halves into the ring."
-- DVD description for the episode
Plot
The episode begins with a TV clip of two skilled martial artists named Felix Johnson and Aaron Scott, who are duking it out during a match. As they battle, the announcer tells the viewers that neither of them are giving up the match as the two continute to duke it out.
We then cut to a live interview where we see Felix and Aaron, along with their respective manager-wives Andrea and Aubrey, as the host reveals that the fight between the two men ended in a tie and While Felix and Aaron agree that their fight was a good one for fans to remember and one of them would beat the other if they had another round. The host says that there were rumors of sabotage, which forced the judge to disqualify all weapons during the match, which would have decided it. As Felix and Aaron are about to talk about it, Aubrey interrupts, saying that Felix is the one who would need sabotage to win the match, but Andrea says that comeback can only come from a woman with a low-class background like Aubrey. After Aubrey swares on air (with her word being censored), which causes both men feeling embarrassed by her remark, The host then askes the wives if they're trapped in the shadows of their husbands or if they would return to their own careers. Andrea then says that as long as promoters don't pay the same way for women's events, she'll be happy to let her husband bring home the money.
As Aubrey agreeably smirks to Andrea's idea of having their husbands bring the money, She then asks why should she and Aubrey punish themselves with labor since their husbands make double or triple the money they make from their matches. Andrea then rudely asks who would pay Aubrey to do anything beside washing her hair, which she adds that her brunette hair isn't her natural color.
The women are then seen trying to get their men the lead in a new 20th Century Fox action film called The Pulverizer, but they're not doing it for their men, They're doing it for themselves. It's also revealed that Aubrey's cheating on Aaron with her trainer.
A sports news show about the two men's fight, the movie and the wives bad mouthing each other catches the eye of fight promoter Wink Barnum, watching it in his home & office. He then gets a $100 Million idea in which both men will face each other again, this time in a Malaysian Rules death match. He has both wives meet him and tells them that not only will the live fight also be on Pay-Per-View & HBO, But the winner will receive the $100 Million and the title role in The Pulverizer while the loser of the match and his wife will receive $10 Million, to which the women reluctantly agree to.
The men are horrified when they find out what their wives have done, especially because they'll have to hurt each other badly. Felix admits that he finds Aaron pretty cool. Aaron also looks on the bright side: whether he wins or loses, he & Aubrey will still be richer than God. Their wives, however refuse to admit defeat and order their men to fight by intimidating them into doing so.
At a promo for the fight, the two men make it look like they hate each other, while their wives are held back from attacking each other. Later, the two men meet in the stadium seats and talk about the situation that their wives have put them in. During their talk, Felix reveals that he has a cactus farm In Arizona. The two men finish their talk, saying they aren't having any second thoughts about the fight and are looking forward to it.
Later, their wives get phone calls about the other one & meet at the pit. The two bad mouth each other, with Aubrey
revealing that she sabotaged Felix's weapons in the previous fight and for this one, with Andrea saying she doesn't care if Felix gets the part or not, she just doesn't want Aubrey inside a movie studio, ever. The two women start fighting each other when a man starts filming them. Puzzled, the two women discover they've been tricked into fighting each other & they blame one another for doing it. The fighting goes full with 20 Million people from 40 different countries watching and cheering them on.
Their men, also watching it on TV comment on how they've been attacked by their wives. The men are in Barnum's home and office, enjoying vegetables with dip, popcorn and champagne. Wink, Smoking a cigar, finishes a phone call & tells the men that the movie producers loved their idea and are putting the writers on it first thing the next day. Apparently they both enjoy buddy pictures and had suggested that to Wink, who then talked to the producers. The three enjoy themselves as the two fighters are ready for The Pulverizers. Still watching the fight, Felix says the women are going to kill each other down there, to which Aaron responds, "That's the whole idea, ain't it?" The three men laugh as the two women continue beating each other.
Opening Segment
"Deck the halls with parts of Charlie, fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Make the yuletide gross and gnarly, fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, ha. Oh, hello creeps. It's me, your favorite holiday spirit doing a little Cryptmas decorating. Boy, do I love this time of year. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your...Hey, Jack, get away from me!"
[Jack tumbles the ladder over with the Crypt Keeper on it, knocking him to the ground]
"I guess he's off my Christmas chopping list. Which brings to mind tonight's tale. It's about two martial artists who do some chopping of their own, in a tasteless fright to the finish I call "The Pit."
Closing Segment
"I guess in the end, the choke was on the girls. Choke hold, that is. I don't know about you, kiddies, but my money's on Aubrey. I think she's a little fester to the punch. Well, you know what they say. The scream always rises. There, all done. Now I'll have a little eggnog, listen to a few helliday tunes and wait for Santa Claus to come. Mm, maybe I should throw another Yule log on the fire."
[camera pans to an elf tied up]
"I wonder how Yule will feel about that."
Trivia
- This is one of the few episodes where neither characters have died in the show (although both Aubrey and Andrea could have killed each other during the match).
- The Kaos in the Kage match is a fictional presentation of HBO Sports. The Tales From the Crypt series originally aired on HBO.
Gallery
