"Hey, use a coaster! A perfect homemaker proves to be more than a match for invading espionage agents."
-- DVD description for the episode
Premise
A group of operatives invade the home of a housewife (Shelley Hack) in search of her husband whom they believe is an AWOL CIA assassin.
Summary
The episode begins outside a normal house (which is shown in black and white as someone is recording it) where we see a happily married couple named Jeremy and Janet McKay enjoying their company as Jeremy prepares to leave for work as Janet reminds him about the dinner party tonight at 7 with the neighbors.
Later that day, as Janet returns home from the store she encounters a woman name Simone Bardou, who works for the L.A. police and she wants to ask her questions about her husband. As Janet rushes to call Jeremy, Simone grabs her hand before she could call him. Janet claims she and Jeremy are good friends with her captain, who Simone knows well. Janet then gave Simone an uppercut punch, knocking her out and ran out the door, but not before two guys appeared in front of the door and one of them tazed her, which made her to consciousness.
A few moments later, Janet woke up as she overheard the discussion about the fake captain's name Janet told Simone. Just then Simone and the others sees Janet regaining consciousness as she tried to say something, with the three trying to figure out what she's saying, only to learn she told them to use a coaster when they left a glass of drink for her.
After getting back up, Janet is interrogated by Simone and her two accomplices, Todd and William who informs her about a man name Ronald Wald, a former CIA Asassasin who disappeared without a trace and for five years they have been looking for him, Until they found him when he went to a dentist to fix a uncapped tooth. When Janet asked why are they telling her this, they told her they believe that Jeremy is actually Ronald and that he haf plastic surgery to change it. Ad Janet refuse to believe her loving husband is a CIA Asssassin, Simone had order Todd to kill Janet im the basement due to the policy of the CIA, the "No Witness" policy, and upon arriving at the basement, Todd is impress of it begining a home gym. Hoping to get out Janet got on a trendmill and reluctantly agreed to let him do it to her, but when he said he is still going to kill her, she set treadmill to high, resulting in Todd falling backwards and getting his tie stuck, and dying on the floor.
Meanwhile in the bathroom, As Simone is seeing Williams making preparation of the assassionion. Whating to know where Todd, Simone decided to check downstairs, In which Janet took the silenced gun and hid under the stairs. When Simone ask Todd how the killing went, there was no response. As Simone took out her gun, Janet popped out from the Stag and attempted to shoot Simone, only for her heel to break and missfire and only cause Simone to fall down the stairs. As Janet manage to escape upstairs, she ran with the phone and head to the bathroom, she accidentally ran into William who she killed by striking his eye with her high heel. Just then Simone place her gun on Janet's head and ask her who she is. Add Janet told her that she's a woman who is tough, Simone told her she's the kind of woman who is also tough as she revealed things she have done during her line of work. As Simone place Janet onto the ground, she recalled some moments she was with Ronald and told her she can't wait to see him again. However Janet replied that it hasn't been too long and called Simone "Gwen". Confused of what Janet called her, "Janet" told Simone that her real name is Gwen, or at least what she called her when they were dating. "Janet" told Simone that she couldn't believe she did not notice her new bridge work on her teeth, and to Simone shocked she discovered that Jeremy isn't Ronald but actually Janet. Ronald then told Simone that he has to get ready for the dinner party at 7, in which after he got up he took the gun and shot Simone. Just then Ronald its 5 and he hasn't prepared anything for the dinner party, he then dragged Simone dead body as he found a way for Simone and her Associates to help her.
Later at the Dinner Party, as Ronald (resume his role as Janet) went into the kitchen to cake out tonight meal, which is revealed to be the dead body parts of Simone and her Associates. Just then Jeremy appeared with a finger with a ring on it, to scare Janet only to reveal it to be a prank from Larry. As Jeremy told "Janet" that he got something special for "her" for tonight which "She" almost flipped out on who "she" really is. As Jeremy tasted the food, he asked "Janet" how "she" get food so good and "she" some old friends of "hers" help out. As Jeremy left calling "her" quite a woman. In which after Jeremy left "she" said (in his original voice) 'what else would I be?' As he looked at the 4th wall.
Opening Segment
Grim Reaper: "So, then I was over in India you know, and I whipped up this little monsoon. Man, I must have reaped hundreds that day. Hundreds, just like that."
Crypt Keeper: "Really?"
Grim Reaper: "Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Of course, I normally prefer to take souls one at a time, one at a time, but, you know, I had taken some vacation days and it was the end of the month, and so, you know how it goes. Oh! By the way, did I mention that I was in Europe? There was an Elvis sighting there, so I figured I'd check it out. But it was just a fat guy in a sequin suit. I took him anyway."
Crypt Keeper's inner thoughts: "Is this guy boring or what? All he ever talks about is himself. I gotta remember that the next time he comes to town and wants to get together."
Crypt Keeper: "Oh really? That's very interesting."
Grim Reaper: "Yes, I thought so, too. But enough about me. I want to tell you why I am here."
Crypt Keeper's inner thoughts: "I know why you're here, to eat my food and drink my liquor."
Crypt Keeper: "More champagne?"
Grim Reaper: "Why, sure. Thanks. Who are you saving the good stuff for? You know, you and I have been friends for a long time, and much as I enjoy these little visits, it seems to me that this tomb is not quite big enough for the both of us."
Crypt Keeper: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Grim Reaper: "I want to propose a contest between you and me. Winner take all."
Crypt Keeper: "And the loser? You're on pal."
1...2...
Grim Reaper: "My rock beats your scissors."
Crypt Keeper: "Damn."
Grim Reaper: "Give me your hand."
Crypt Keeper: "Well, kiddies, looks like your pal the Crypt Keeper is in the fright of his life...death...which is kind of like the woman in tonight's terror tale. It's a nasty little chopping spree I call..."
[Grim Reaper chops the Crypt Keeper's hand off]
"- The Assassin. That didn't hurt one bit."
Grim Reaper: "Second round?"
Crypt Keeper: "Go for it."
Closing Segment
[Crypt Keeper and Grim Reaper are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors]
1...2...3...
Grim Reaper: "Damn!"
Crypt Keeper: "That Janet, she must be a hell of a cook. I don't know about you, kiddies, but I found Simone pretty hard to swallow. Personally, I wouldn't have made them into a stew. I think creeps suzette would have been much more appropriate. Ready? Well, looks like I won."
Grim Reaper: "Hey, what are you talking about? I am still here. Let's play again. Come on. Double or nothing."
[camera shows only the Grim Reaper's head remains]
Crypt Keeper: "Take my advice, pal, quit while you're a head."
Trivia
- William Sadler, who plays the Grim Reaper in this episode, also plays this exact version of the Grim Reaper in Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey (1991). The bookends and a majority of its jokes would later be reused for Bordello of Blood (1996) and feature another appearance from William Sadler, albeit as a mummy instead of the Grim Reaper.
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