"Maybe he needs a ghostwriter. A reporter gets in deep when he digs up a story about a cemetery."

-- DVD description for the episode

Plot Edit

A homeless man named Robert collects food and a newspaper with the headline “Homeless Killings Baffle Police” out of a dumpster. He brings them to another homeless man named Dancer, who uses the paper as a bedsheet. When Robert steps out once more, a shadowy figure attacks Dancer. Robert returns to help, but only finds Dancer’s severed hand. Robert panics and flees, leaving a bloody handprint behind.

The following morning, alcoholic womanizer Dale Sweeney (Steven Weber) kicks his latest one-night stand out of his apartment and rushes out to a press conference in a cemetery he’s late to. Dale, a news reporter, shares fighting words with rival reporter Climsky before joining the conference. He questions why the philanthropy group Grateful Homeless Outcasts and Unwanted Layaway Society is donating more money to the cemetery over a charity that helps the homeless; their group’s spokesperson, Jess Gilchrist (Rita Wilson), verbally spars with him but leaves him curious.

Meanwhile, Robert watches the conference from afar and sneaks a cocktail shrimp off a catering table. He is furious after a recently published article pins him as the homeless murders‘ prime suspect. He breaks into Dale’s apartment and puts a gun to the reporter’s head once he returns home. He insists he’s not the homeless killer and instructs Dale to write an article linking city officials and the society to the murders. He tells Dale to stake out the cemetery after sunset and to meet up with him afterwards; when Dale asked why he picked him, Robert says, “Because you look hungrier than I do”.

Dale shows up to the cemetery the next day but finds nothing out of the ordinary. He bumps into Jess, who notices his interest in the cemetery. He invites her to lunch at his place, baiting her in by agreeing to talk about the article he’s writing. She agrees but doesn’t eat much, leading Dale to assume she’s vegetarian. He admits to not having a story and flirts with Jess, who relishes in the idea of helping her press relations — they have sex, as she finds him “good enough to eat”. While cuddling later, Dale sloppily tries getting her to talk about the society but she realizes he’s recording her and angrily flees. Later that night, he heads out to meet Robert - he stumbles across him mortally wounded and gasping for breath. Dale tells him he found nothing at the cemetery; Robert insists he didn’t stay long enough and dies before naming his assailant or relaying any more details for the article. Dale is inevitably fired for his unreliability and drinking; as a result, he is evicted from his apartment and rendered homeless.

Now desperate for the answers, Dale goes to the cemetery once more and stays all night. He witnesses a fresh grave sinking deeper into the ground; he digs but surprisingly discovers a door in place of a coffin. He falls through it and finds a series of tunnels littered with coffins and human remains. When he hears other people in the tunnels, he hides in a random coffin — unaware it’s also holding Robert’s mutilated corpse. He shrieks and the coffin is lifted up; after furiously demanding to be let out, Dale opens the coffin and finds it has been placed at the center of a dinner table. He looks around the fancy room, noticing portraits of ancient warriors with hideous faces. He’s greeted by members of the society, who reveal themselves to be behind the homeless murders. As Dale realizes the acronym for the society spells out GHOULS, the members take off their human masks to reveal their true horrifying forms. Climsky — revealing himself as a ghoul — rips Dale’s ear off and eats it as an appetizer. A ghoulish Jess also steps out of the shadows, repeats that Dale “looks good enough to eat”, then devours him.

Opening Segment Edit

"Ah, there you are! You're just in time! I'm trying a few new recipes from my new Betty Croaker's cookbook. I hope you like shish-ka-bob... damn! It isn't ready yet! Bob's still moving! Tonight's foul feast will begin with mashed potatoes, then onto some shrieking duck and finished with a nice kill-basa. I call this tasty tidbit, Mournin' Mess."

Closing Segment Edit

"Mmm... pretty tasteless, wouldn't you say? I guess in the end Mr. Sweeney learned not to go *digging* in other people's business. Although you'll be happy to hear that he's found himself a new career... as a ghostwriter! So, still hungry for dessert? I hope you like cannibal soup... it's mmm-mmm good!"

Trivia Edit


Rating Edit

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