Top Billing

"A tale of burning Hambition! A struggling actor's rehearsal for a role in Hamlet isn't what he thinks."

-- DVD description for the episode

Top Billing
Season	3
Episode	5
Airdate	June 26, 1991
Comic Source	The Vault of Horror #39
Next Episode	Dead Wait

Plot

Barry Blye walks into a dimly lit office clutching a thin rope. He approaches Sheila Winters — who’s at her desk distracted with a phone call — and proceeds to strangle her. Sheila responds by thanking him “for coming in”, revealing the moment to be a casting audition. Sheila — the casting director — insists Barry is wrong for a part, causing the desperate actor to beg. He leaves frustrated and empty-handed, passing a long line of actors who somewhat resemble him. On the way out, he bumps into a former roommate of his named Winton Robbins. Winton, a more talented and handsome actor, gloats about his recent commercial roles and the successful ways he has branded himself. A jealous Barry mocks Winton for his lack of artistry and caring more about making money. Barry shows him a flyer for an upcoming Hamlet audition; Winton questions why there would be a theater in that area and asks him how much longer he is willing to do “free theater”.

Life continues to get worse for Barry. His agent drops him after admitting that he doesn’t have “the look” to make it in Hollywood. He goes to his apartment and sees his girlfriend Lisa moving her stuff out; he learns he is being evicted and Lisa is leaving him. He is locked out by the landlord, who eats the last of a chicken dinner Lisa had left for him.

The next day, Barry pulls himself together and heads to his Hamlet audition, quickly learning the theater entrance is in a weird alley. Winton is already there; he decided to audition to prove actors get hired for their looks over actual talent. They’re ushered in by eccentric stage hand Beaks; inside they watch the intense director Nelson Halliwell berate an actor. Halliwell pushes the actor to dive deeper into the role and kiss the plastic skull; the confused actor is shooed away, causing Halliwell to mutter “I’ve lost another one.” Barry and Winton meet with the demanding director inside his “office” — a small closet; he rambles on about his vision of a realistic production of Hamlet. Winton, sensing something off, decides to leave — but before he can, Halliwell sporadically offers him the part since he has “the look.” An infuriated Barry watches as Halliwell introduces a cocky Winton to the cast.

Later, Barry sneaks into the dressing room while Winton is trying on his costume. Winton once again tells him the acting industry is more about product and “people buying tickets” over actual artistry; as he rambles, he pulls a tag out of his costume that surprises him. Barry suddenly lunges forward and strangles him with a rope, reciting Hamlet quotes while doing it. Winton’s chokes “I’m not Hamlet” before suffocating to death; Barry hides the body in a laundry room, barely noticing a phone ringing in a mysterious locked room next door. He returns to the stage and tells Halliwell that Winton quit due to stage fright: “He was totally blue.” Halliwell casts an excited Barry into the role.

Halliwell and the crew approach Barry while he recites his lines in costume. They ask him if he’s ready for the final run through, confusing the actor as he’s only had the role for a day. The situation gets stranger after Barry finds the tag Winton had previously found reads Yorick, revealing they had actually been cast as the deceased character. Halliwell reveals they’ve had “a hell of a time casting the part — somebody keeps stealing the skull.” They chase a panicked Barry, causing him to hide in the locked room with the ringing phone — but he shockingly finds several corpses in here. He realizes the “theater” is actually a mental institution , and that the patients recently took over after murdering the staff. Barry picks up the phone and learns it’s another doctor frantically trying to reach his coworkers. Halliwell and the others break in and murder Barry with an axe; later his skull is ghoulishly used as a prop for the play.

Outside, as the cops prepare to raid the institution — a stray dog retrieves Barry’s empty head out of the trash.

Opening Segment

"Good evening, culture vultures and welcome to another installment of Mash-to-Pieces Theater. Tonight we ask the question - 'To be or not to be?' Or in this case, an actor stuck with an average face who's so sick and tired of auditioning he's willing to do almost anything! Did I say almost? I call this sickening saga Top Billing."

Closing Segment

"Bravo! Encore! Well, Barry axed for the part and he got it. But, typical Barry - they still couldn't use his face. It's just as well. The critics would have cut him to pieces. I'm calling my agent. I've waited all my death to play the part of Yorick. So until next time, kiddies. Hello? I'd like to speak with my agent. What do you mean he's in a beating?!"

Gallery

Mike Vosburg's comic cover

Winton Robbins

Nelson Halliwell

Barry Blye